I went to the Doctor a few days ago and they asked if I wanted to be weighed. It’s strange to me that not all doctors weigh patients anymore, most just ask what you weigh, and they trust that you are telling the truth, kind of like on your drivers license. When I started this whole plant-strong thing I tipped the scales at well over 400, I don’t really know how much over 400, just that I was too heavy to be weighed in the doctors office, and even the thing they put on the scale to weight morbidly obese patients, still didn’t measure my weight. 425 is the highest that went to, and I was still too big.
When I went to the doctor a few days ago, she already knew my story and my progress and when she asked if I wanted to be weighed, I said sure, but I didn’t want to know how much I weighed. I tend to not want to know my weight. Mostly because I don’t want this to be only about my weight. So I jumped on the scale, backwards. And she weighed me. And then exclaimed, “WOW, you have less than 100 pounds to lose before you are at your goal weight!”
I have a goal weight? I didn’t even know I had a goal weight. But non the less, there I stood, barefoot on the scale wondering what my weight was and what she thought my goal weight was, and thinking that less than 100 pounds didn’t sound so bad. After all, I’ve already lost 100 pounds, 2 times now, so I just have to do it one more time. Not even a full 100, somewhere under 100, whatever that is.
Be it my personality or something else, I never imagine myself hitting a goal weight. Not in a depressing kind of way, but in a “this is the journey I’m on for life” kind of way. I’ve had a lot thrown at me, every doctor has told me what I’m attempting to do is impossible, without surgeries or drugs. I like impossible. I was also told that I’d more than likely have an amputation or 2 by now and I might be dead, but so far, I’m in tact and I’m alive.
I’ve been overweight practically my entire life, I don’t even know what being at an ideal weight feels like, or what it looks like. I just know that my end goal remains the same, and that is health. I’m going for being a healthy person. I eat foods that give me health, I move my body every single day so that I am healthier. That’s my goal. It can’t really be measured on a scale, although, I wish it could be.
Imagine that for a moment, if health rather than weight was what we saw when we stepped on the scale. Our scales would say “well hello gorgeous! You are looking healthier today! Your blood sugar is nice and normal, your blood sugar is perfect, your cholesterol is beautiful, things are looking pretty great.”
Because the truth is there are a lot of people who step on the scale, and they only see a number, they walk away, happy with that number, but sadly have no clue what is happening on the inside.
So, according to the Doctor, I just have to lose (under) 100 pounds for the 3rd time. I have no idea how long that will take me. I do know that many of you are in the same boat, and many of you struggle with numbers. I’ve decided to write a weekly post on E2 about my own personal journey – the truth behind obesity, what it’s like, why some people are obese and others aren’t the struggles, how I got where I am, what I eat, how I workout. There is a lot that goes into all of this. It is what I talk about our Engine 2 Retreats – uncovering the real, honest and truthful journey of weight loss and health. I’m not a doctor (yet), I’ve never been an athlete, fit or thin. I’m just like most people battling this complex issue. I know what it’s like to have tried everything, I know what it’s like to wonder why I feel completely different than everyone else.
I hope you’ll join me on this journey. I can’t promise that it will always be pretty or perfect, but just honest and real. And I hope to see you at events in 2014. In all realness, public speaking terrifies me. But I feel so strongly about all of this, that I get up there anyway, in hopes that it will help others who might be going through the same thing.
So here I go again, just one more time.